Digging Out with Zombie-Links

Whew, what a week!

We've been hit with multiple storms bringing tons of snow, even more freezing rain and ice, strong winds, and then several days without power, all mixed with a pesky cold-bug that is making the rounds again and again and again in our home - thus my lack of new posts this past week.

I will attempt to get back on the multiple-posts-per-week-wagon later in the week when I emerge from my zombie-like state, but for now some links to articles and ideas you might find interesting.

Enjoy this first installment of ZOMBIE-links!

• My crafty-est daughter, Miss Florida, and I have been talking about creating some sort of tile back-splash for above our stove, and I think these hand-painted tiles are going to be the center-piece for it!

• Speaking of the weather, a great article on why those of us in the beautiful, normally mild, coastal Pacific Northwest are NOT snow wimps! (Okay, maybe we are a little, but with good reason...)

• For those facing a challenge - and aren't we all - a bit of encouragement that It Won't Always Be Like This (and as I create this post, my own strong-willed Child is in the next room, expressing her refusal to nap by kicking the walls, throwing her toys, and screaming to me "I done; I feel better, Mama!" - it won't always be like this, it won't always be like this, it won't always be like this....)

• The definitive piece summing up the futility of The Mommy Wars (if you're scratching your head, asking "Mommy Wars?" then you are not a mom...) - it's an oldie but a goodie by one of my favorite bloggers, Jenny Lawson aka The Bloggess. (FYI: Jenny is a straight-shooter with a gift for cursing - you've been warned...)

Sunday Stories

It has snowed nearly all day here, an unusual event that deserves mentioning.  We spent the day getting some housework caught-up, watching the kids build snowmen and make snow angels, and just generally hanging out.


Dinner-time brought out the sillies again, in what is now becoming a Sunday evening ritual: One-Word Storytelling.


Now, this week's installment in a new series I intend to post every Sunday from now on entitled Sunday Stories:


A bubble-eyed fish went to school and learned many tricks.  One of the other fishes couldn't do any, so the fish sang a silly song. The fish that sang also danced.  Once he even did carwheels!  It was an awesome event.  Soon everyone told the teacher it happened to have a trick that everyone loved.  The teacher told the fish that he should do free-style art.


We're trying to work on flow and word-choice with the kids.  We'll get there....

Learning to Paint (and to stop talking!)

My husband is not a talker. Mr. Four Walls is a do-er. In his view, words get in the way. You can imagine that I, as a word person, can sometimes get frustrated with his lack of participation in conversations, especially when I’m feeling over-whelmed or under-appreciated. We’re continually growing in how to avoid the conflict that can come from this disparity (a great tool for us has been this).

Nevertheless, every once in a while I have my moments where I just want to talk with him. Seriously talk WITH him. Not about the kids, work, house, money - just us. Our marriage. Our feelings. Sappy-stuff, as he calls it.


So….


The other night after returning home from a particularly insightful MOMSnext meeting with speaker Kellie Pritchard of Pritchard Ministries, I decided to stoke the conversation-fire a bit. I came away from listening to Kelli wanting to make sure I commit everyday to being the wife that he deserves (even when he might not really deserve it – not a big issue in our house, but a great point to remember when my pride might get in the way….).


I figured a great place to start would be to ask him, non-confrontationally, how he felt I was doing in the role of Mrs. Four Walls. So while curled up together in bed that evening, as we (I) talked about our (my) days, I asked, “If you could pick one thing you would want me to change or try to improve – just one – what would it be?”


I can hear the groans now. I know. I know. Loaded question.


But I was serious. I learned a long time ago not to try to guess what Mr. Four Walls is thinking. If I truly want to improve myself for our marriage, I need to know from him what he most needs improved.


I had a list in my head of the possibilities he might voice:

• More sex.
• A cleaner, tidier house.
• More sex.
• Pretty myself up more often for him.
• More sex.
• Less nagging.
• More sex.

He thought for a long moment before replying. I was beginning to wonder if he was going to reply at all. Then, in true Mr. Four Walls fashion, and once again proving my point that I really have no idea at all what he’s thinking moment to moment, he gave me his request.




(Drum roll)




He wants me to learn how to ... paint!?!




Photo Credit: Suat Eman / FreeDigitalPhotos.net


As in walls, not canvases.


At first I thought he couldn’t be serious. It was so far off my radar I couldn’t even imagine it was a serious answer. I thought he was joking to avoid telling me what he really wanted to say, maybe in an effort not to hurt my feelings or cause an argument. So I pressed him some more.


Really, though, he wants me to learn how to paint.

I need to highlight right now that he is a professional carpenter – more of an artisan, really – and when it comes down to it, he has extremely high standards for all things home improvement. So, over the years I’ve learned to back off and let him do things. It’s just been better/easier that way. I’m not the most handy or crafty gal in the room (ask my mom about all of her attempts to teach me to sew…).


But maybe I’ve been unintentionally avoiding learning how to do some things, like painting, simply because I have always had him to do it for me. When you are married to a master, you have no need to be a master yourself. Why ever would Alice Hoschedé have attempted to capture the light of the Water Lilies at Giverny? Just sayin’.


So while it’s embarrassing to say that I am thus far incapable of a simple task like painting a wall, I now resolve to learn how to paint to Mr. Four Walls’ standards.


He works so hard, and just like there is a never ending list of daily chores for me and I consider it nearly a form of foreplay for him simply to do the dishes, there is also a seemingly never-ending Honey-Do list for him. In his request he has said he needs to feel some “love” from me, in easing his burden a bit.


Before it is suggested that we do it together – he the teacher, me the student: been there, done that. Not the best idea. Plus, it would defeat the purpose of his request – to ease some of his load. I’m thinking this will be a good Saturday project for me and some of my girl-friends (also thinking I need to come up with an application to weed out those that are lacking in the bristle-manipulation department…wait, that doesn’t sound right…)


However it shakes out, it now appears I have some work cut out for me. There are currently two room-painting projects on his Honey-Do list, plus a couple of furniture projects hanging around. While I’m not sure on the timeline, stay tuned for my results!


P.S.


Reading back through, I’m now thinking maybe Mr. Four Walls has a point with the less talk, more action thing – could have kept me out of the whole now-I-have-to-learn-how-to- paint thing. Note to self: stop while you’re ahead…..

Shout Out

Earlier this week I opened my email to find a new post from one of my favorite bloggers, Amy at The Finer Things in Life, celebrating her frugality as she reached 150,000 miles in her minivan. Seeing as I just celebrated this accomplishment myself, I dropped her a note of congratulations. I have corresponded with her before, receiving permission to use one of her blog posts in a newsletter I edit for my local MOMSnext group, so I really wasn't looking for anything other than letting her know a loyal reader was celebrating with her.

This morning, I opened my e-mail and again saw that I had an update from her blog - as I do most days.  Every Friday, in a column she titles Weekend Wanderings, she shares links to other blogs and articles she particularly enjoyed or thinks her readers would find useful.  And guess who's post was first up on her list?!

So this a big shout-out to Amy for sharing my little 'ol blog with her readers, and a HUGE welcome to you if you found me through The Finer Things in Life.  I appreciate you taking time out of your lives to share a bit of mine, and for the great comments.  Keep them comin'!

All Aboard the Child-Labor Train!

What exactly is it about kids and water?!

Cranky baby?  Give 'em a bath!  Need a few minutes of uninterrupted time or a way to distract a bored kid? Hand them a squirt bottle and a rag!

All three of my girls have instantly responded to water when upset or bored.  I swear, I think I'm going to start giving dollar-store squirt bottles out as baby-shower presents, we've gone through so many over the years!  To be honest, the allure hasn't worn off even for my oldest, at 9 1/2.  She and her sisters can always come up with something to do with a squirt bottle!

And the benefits go beyond just keeping them happily entertained for a few minutes. 

You know all of those finger/nose/tongue/whatever-other-sticky-body-part-last-contacted-the-glass prints on the lower parts of your windows and doors????

What to them is a game, standing and squirting away, to you is housework when you hand them a rag and tell them to wipe off the water!  Does it get the glass crystal clear?  No, but it does help, and let's face it, Mama. Every little bit that you don't have to do yourself is help!

Admittedly, the older girls (7 & 9) are catching on to the this-isn't-a-game-you're-tricking-me-into-working aspect of this approach.  I think that's why God blessed me with another kid:

To keep the Child-Labor Train chuggin' along!

Peanut, cleaning the slider, with Moses supervising.  I swear I heard him say "Yup - you missed a spot!"

What are your favorite tips and tricks to getting the kids involved in housework?

Going Bananas, One Word at a Time

Family meal-time is a big deal at our house. It doesn't need to be fancy; it just needs to happen - regularly and repeatedly.  I won't bore you with statistics here, but suffice it to say it has been fairly firmly established that when families share meals together on a regular basis, around a table without distraction (no t.v, phones, etc), everyone is better for it.

So, my kids know when dinner is ready, they are to sit at the table. Unless I make a big, surprise announcement like, "We're having pizza and ice cream on the floor while watching a movie tonight!" (which I do sometimes, because I'm cool like that...).  Lately, though, this has been a challenge for our youngest.  At 27 months, she does not enjoy sitting anywhere.  Ever.  Period.  Layer in a dose of early evening fatigue, and mix with the rumblings of a hungry two-year old tummy...let's just say not everyone is always enthused with our mealtime arrangement.  And it's not always just her, but we get through it.

Like tonight. 

Dinner time started with a battle: first getting her into her chair, then getting her to stop kicking and screaming and snotting long enough to attempt to take even a bite.  As she's the third child and we've been to this circus many times before, we largely ignored her fit except for the occasional reminder that once she settled down we would love to help her get some food in her hungry tummy.  Eventually she did, we hugged, she took a few tentative bites, and before long she was chowin' down on minestrone and garlic toast.  Within minutes her fit was a distant memory, and we began our newest dinner game: One-Word Storytelling!

The gist is this: one person starts a story by saying a single word. Any word that pops into their head.  The story continues one word at a time, one person at a time.  If the kids were older I might put a spin on it by only giving a few seconds for the word to be chosen, or maybe adding key words that have to be used at certain times in the story - no matter how they fit (or don't), but for now we just enjoy the story as it unfolds.  Even the baby gets in on it on some rounds, although it's usually some random word she throws out that just happens to work at that moment, so we go with it. 

Without further ado, here is the result of our dinner-time creativity this evening....

I like to eat bananas, and when I do I get crazy! My sister thinks they are gross.  She likes grapes.  I wish she were a monkey. I know how funny it gets around banana and grape shelves when my sister and I jump on carts like crazy monkeys!  The manager thinks it's funny, but not right, so we get in trouble - but today we didn't because we were the only monkeys there.  My mom left us to fling ourselves off posts to get into the mode for swinging in gymnastics.  We were going, so I got a banana and loved pickles.

That random "pickle" bit was Mr. Four Walls, by the way.  Figures. He had to put his goofball spin on our Manor House moment. Makes it even more of a Manor House moment, I suppose. And I"m not even going to begin to try to figure out what it says about me that "Mom" leaves her kids alone in grocery stores to fling themsleves around as a warm-up for gymnastics.....

It probably says I've gone bananas, one word at a time.

What are your favorite dinner-time activities?  How do you handle the dinner time melt-downs, toddler or otherwise?

Manor House Perfection

Every once in a while I come across a home, in person or in a photograph, that absolutely speaks to me.  I LOVE this house. 

"Manor House"

Photo credit: Simon Howden / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I envision stepping into a foyer simply but elegantly decorated, a blooming Amaryllis on an antique entry table. A warm fire crackles in the parlor (because this house has a parlor). The smell of bread baking wafts through every hall. From the inside looking out, the cold, wet, harsh, snowy exterior quickly becomes simply a festive and homey backdrop to the warm, joyful, inviting interior.

A family lives here.

The snow will eventually melt and reveal a wide, green lawn for games of tag and kick the can and football. Borders of flowers will bloom, carefully and loving selected and tended: tulips and daffodils in the spring, giving way to cosmos and daisies for the summer heat, that soon make room for delphiniums and mums to linger into fall.  The maple and alder leaves will put on a fiery show, and a grand holiday meal will be meticulously prepared come November.  A passerby will hear laughter and shouts as the clan gathers around to watch the Cowboys and Lions. Snow will again fall. Wreaths and garlands and trees will be placed.  Decorations will be dragged from the dormered attic, and children and parents will giggle at forgotten treasures of years past now again found in dusty boxes.

Sounds perfect, right?

We can't all have this sort of perfection.  I'd venture to say that no one really has this sort of perfection.  Our "manor" might be anything from a 4000+ square foot McMansion, a modest ranch house, or a cramped apartment.  The family might not always be able to gather for the football and the feast.  There might not be enough money for the grand meals, the antiques and decor, or even the simple flowers bulbs out front.

But no matter the circumstance or the setting, time will pass and memories will be made, good or bad. So today I commit to do one thing each day to make my humble home a Manor House.

What are your favorite tips to give your house a Manor House feeling, especially when funds (or motivation or energy) are low?

150,000 Miles!

The odometer on my van rolled past 150,000 miles yesterday. I snapped a pic with my cheap-o phone and texted it to Mr. Four Walls, but I'm having technical difficulties getting it to load to the blog, so you'll just have to take my word for it.

But, wow! How many other people do you know driving an old, 90's mini-van with 150,000 miles on it?

It's funny. 

There was a time in my life, not too many years ago, when I would have told you there would be no way I would ever be driving a vehicle with that sort of mileage.  I would have said that the headache and cost of maintenance on something that old and used wouldn't be worth it.  That there's no way a vehicle like that would be safe enough for my family. That having a regular, predictable car payment is so much better than being nickled and dimed for ongoing maintenance on a beater.

That was then, this is now.

Now I say that I would have said all of those things out of pride. I would have said all those things because I didn't want people to see my family rolling through town in something that makes odd sounds at odd times, has one lock outside that won't work at all, and the others that only sometimes let us in on the first try.  I would have said all those things because I thought it was normal and perfectly okay to live in debt, to never really own all the things we call "ours."

That was then, this is now. 

Since "Goldie," as we affectionately call her, joined the family in November of 2010- already with around 140,000 miles - we have lived car payment free.  We have diligently and deliberately maintained her, mostly ourselves, and spent WAY less than we would have on car payments and maintenance on a younger, hipper vehicle. And we've gotten over ourselves. 

I still have pride, mind you. Now I'm proud of my old "girl" for being so steady for the family before us and now for ours.  I'm proud of myself for not caring how people look at me when I try and try and try to unlock my driver's side door and then have to occasionally resort to crawling in through the back. I'm proud of Mr. Four Walls and me, how we've weathered this long road of financial uncertainty, and are coming through it stronger and more committed to making the journey ahead together, whatever it should hold. 

Goldie won't live forever.  I know we'd be kidding ourselves if we thought she'd be truckin' (vannin'?) along in another 150,000 (but stranger things have happened....).  I'll be tickled pink if she's still going as we ring in the New Year next year.  For now, though, I'll simply take her 150,000 milestone as a great reminder to be thankful for what we have, while we have it.

Thanks, Goldie!

New Year, New Focus

I have missed my blog since the house situation was resolved.  I contemplated what to do with it for quite a while before and after the foreclosure, and to be honest, after the house sale fell through I needed a break from telling that story.

Now, I've decided to tweak the focus here, and keep on bloggin'. 

If you notice, I've renamed the blog "Home." Our foreclosure journey is still a key part of the blog, since it's a key part of our story, but it is no longer the focus. I've labeled the main posts from that time-frame "The Path to Now," and you can access it through the tab at the top or by clicking on the labels on the right.

The process of losing a beloved home, reassessing priorities, and reaffirming values has made me really think long and hard about what home is to me, what kind of home I want to create for our children, and what it entails to create that home.

So, that's what this blog is now about.  HOME. 

Posts by me, and hopefully some amazing guest writers, on all things to do with HOME:  finances, family relationships, shopping, decorating, whatever! Don't worry, this will not become some perfectionist's ideal of a perfect home - because I am NOT a perfectionist's ideal of a perfect homemaker.  Far from it.

Here's proof - a photo of my living room right now. 

Christmas decorations still up after New Year's.  Kids' toys EVERYWHERE.  See those beady, glowing eyes?  That's the dog sleeping on the blankets I just pulled from the dryer. On the right is a crib mattress leaned against the wall, and just out of sight along the hallway wall is a toddler bed, and various other pieces of furniture that we removed from the girls' rooms last weekend.  I intentionally did not share a picture of the kitchen (yes, it's that bad at the moment!).  And out of sight around the corner is our little entry way, currently overflowing with shoes, coats and goodness-knows what else the kids' (and I, ahem) have dumped there recently. So, really - NOT a perfectionist's ideal.

Just one mom's perspective on what it takes to keep our family, keep our home, moving forward - good and bad.  I hope you enjoy what I share, and as always I love getting feedback, so drop me a note or leave a comment if you have something to share!

New Year Update

Nearly four months have passed since the foreclosure, and life has gone on. The bank finally sold the house, closing last month for $232,300 according to county records. That is almost $20,000 less than the last offer we had ready to close, about $40,000 less than the original sale price when the house was build in 2003, and $150,500 than our purchase price in 2006. Talk about falling prices...

Mr. Four Walls has so far weathered this late fall and early winter with relatively no down time at work, save for a few hours off here and there for the holidays. That is huge for us, since the last four years around this time, we've been faced with a temporary lay-off. Some that didn’t feel so temporary.

I have started working part-time teaching gymnastics to preschoolers and lower levels, mainly to pay for our eldest’s competitive-team coaching expenses. Jellybeans's heart is gymnastics, and she has really missed it these past couple of years as we cut way back to get our financial life back on track. We let each of the older kids choose one activity to join this fall, though, and of course she went straight back to it. Literally. We expected her to need to work back into it, to regain some skills lost, but nope. Her first day they bumped her to pre-team and within a month they had invited her to the competition team. The gym has had some help-wanted signs up for a while, so I threw my name in the hat, and "Voila!" I'm a gymnastics coach. It’s a work out, I’ll tell ya’! Nothing makes you feel middle aged faster than doing repeated forward rolls, hand-stands, and cart-wheels.

The kids are growing like weeds. This school year has been a bit better for them, as they are no longer the new kids, but I also can't say it's been ideal. Jellybean in particular has still struggled to make good friends, making her involvement in positive, outside activities like gymnastics and Girl Scouts so important. Miss Florida is become really close with one neighbor girl, and seems to be thriving. Peanut is almost unrecognizable, becoming such a little kid instead of a baby. Potty-trained, sleeping on the lower bunk of the bunk beds, the works. Sniff, sniff. Not sure I'm ready for it....

I am so thankful to be home again. Granted, they've driven me batty these past few weeks on Christmas break. But that's what they do, right? It's Christmas, after all. It's back to school tomorrow, so hopefully we'll all be back in the swing of things in a few more days. With only one real income, we're not ever really sure where the money will come from for the next month, but so far we've made it work, only by the grace of God I'm sure.

Life has  come full circle. It's not all wine and roses, to be sure, but we are blessed, healthy, and happy - just like we were this time last year, but with a bit more perspective and experience to recognize it.

Happy New Year!