Learning to Paint (and to stop talking!)

My husband is not a talker. Mr. Four Walls is a do-er. In his view, words get in the way. You can imagine that I, as a word person, can sometimes get frustrated with his lack of participation in conversations, especially when I’m feeling over-whelmed or under-appreciated. We’re continually growing in how to avoid the conflict that can come from this disparity (a great tool for us has been this).

Nevertheless, every once in a while I have my moments where I just want to talk with him. Seriously talk WITH him. Not about the kids, work, house, money - just us. Our marriage. Our feelings. Sappy-stuff, as he calls it.


So….


The other night after returning home from a particularly insightful MOMSnext meeting with speaker Kellie Pritchard of Pritchard Ministries, I decided to stoke the conversation-fire a bit. I came away from listening to Kelli wanting to make sure I commit everyday to being the wife that he deserves (even when he might not really deserve it – not a big issue in our house, but a great point to remember when my pride might get in the way….).


I figured a great place to start would be to ask him, non-confrontationally, how he felt I was doing in the role of Mrs. Four Walls. So while curled up together in bed that evening, as we (I) talked about our (my) days, I asked, “If you could pick one thing you would want me to change or try to improve – just one – what would it be?”


I can hear the groans now. I know. I know. Loaded question.


But I was serious. I learned a long time ago not to try to guess what Mr. Four Walls is thinking. If I truly want to improve myself for our marriage, I need to know from him what he most needs improved.


I had a list in my head of the possibilities he might voice:

• More sex.
• A cleaner, tidier house.
• More sex.
• Pretty myself up more often for him.
• More sex.
• Less nagging.
• More sex.

He thought for a long moment before replying. I was beginning to wonder if he was going to reply at all. Then, in true Mr. Four Walls fashion, and once again proving my point that I really have no idea at all what he’s thinking moment to moment, he gave me his request.




(Drum roll)




He wants me to learn how to ... paint!?!




Photo Credit: Suat Eman / FreeDigitalPhotos.net


As in walls, not canvases.


At first I thought he couldn’t be serious. It was so far off my radar I couldn’t even imagine it was a serious answer. I thought he was joking to avoid telling me what he really wanted to say, maybe in an effort not to hurt my feelings or cause an argument. So I pressed him some more.


Really, though, he wants me to learn how to paint.

I need to highlight right now that he is a professional carpenter – more of an artisan, really – and when it comes down to it, he has extremely high standards for all things home improvement. So, over the years I’ve learned to back off and let him do things. It’s just been better/easier that way. I’m not the most handy or crafty gal in the room (ask my mom about all of her attempts to teach me to sew…).


But maybe I’ve been unintentionally avoiding learning how to do some things, like painting, simply because I have always had him to do it for me. When you are married to a master, you have no need to be a master yourself. Why ever would Alice Hoschedé have attempted to capture the light of the Water Lilies at Giverny? Just sayin’.


So while it’s embarrassing to say that I am thus far incapable of a simple task like painting a wall, I now resolve to learn how to paint to Mr. Four Walls’ standards.


He works so hard, and just like there is a never ending list of daily chores for me and I consider it nearly a form of foreplay for him simply to do the dishes, there is also a seemingly never-ending Honey-Do list for him. In his request he has said he needs to feel some “love” from me, in easing his burden a bit.


Before it is suggested that we do it together – he the teacher, me the student: been there, done that. Not the best idea. Plus, it would defeat the purpose of his request – to ease some of his load. I’m thinking this will be a good Saturday project for me and some of my girl-friends (also thinking I need to come up with an application to weed out those that are lacking in the bristle-manipulation department…wait, that doesn’t sound right…)


However it shakes out, it now appears I have some work cut out for me. There are currently two room-painting projects on his Honey-Do list, plus a couple of furniture projects hanging around. While I’m not sure on the timeline, stay tuned for my results!


P.S.


Reading back through, I’m now thinking maybe Mr. Four Walls has a point with the less talk, more action thing – could have kept me out of the whole now-I-have-to-learn-how-to- paint thing. Note to self: stop while you’re ahead…..